I dunno what to say, but just want to say...

Last night in my dream,

I climbed on your body when we re-encounter,

I could not see the entire face,
it was blurry and bright

I let out a tear that seemed ready,
it made a little hot track down my cheek.

My heart retracted.

I was searching the scent from you
satisfing my sense
seemed like I have succeeded

so real.

the scent that I missed for ages,
alien but familiar and intimate

the scent of security,
the scent of warmth,
and the scent of rushing blood

the scent that I cannot missed for the second time.

I laughed at myself:
knowing that you care about me doesnt mean that our love will grow again


I couldnt control my unconciousness;
and according to Freud, unconciousness is the storehouse of instinctual desires and needs.

[end of the poem section]











[This is not a poem, but I would like it to be]

I had too much to talk to you, do you know?

but I don't know how and what to say.

I was not honest to you, my heart broke

my complications overtook my mind.



and I brust into tears when you talked to me like that.

I was surprised by my reaction too.



it has been long long time ago.

3 months, and nearly 1 month that we hadnt spoken a word.

and now all of a sudden.






I used to find a reason for you, of your reaction looking at my pictures.

I thought you were subjective becuase you were the first one who saw me
without reserve,
entirely,
I cut opened my heart and let you see everything inside me.

so now I was making those pictures
which you find them pornography-like.

I didnt hate you for saying that, and I was not hurt neither, so don't be sorry.

I respect different people to see things in different angles.
Everything depends on how you see them, doesnt it?



but maybe I am wrong.



reading your 2nd msg. I was ashamed.

I prayed.

I made you think I am distant away from God.

I was painful.



knowing that you pray for me, and you hold your hopes on me. I feel consolated.

Do you know by the way, I pray for you occasionally?

Having expectations on people is tiring,

and disappointing.



what do you call relationship with an ex.?

something that I personally cannot describe.

something exceeded the relationship of ex. bf and gf

not yet and unwilling to be friends

it is something heartbreaking, abnormal, outrageous



I am overwhelmed by your provoking and baffling and cold but touching words



Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind



you are the strangest man in the world



and I am the strangest girl in the world