Thanksgiving to God

Thanksgiving day today (Thu, 25th Nov)! I just noticed.

There was such a big grace that I have to THANK GOD today for

Taking us to such a beautiful and warm place

where we only saw smiles, loveliness, sunshine, innocence, and love.

The people whom you loves, and who love you.

A place where you shine upon.



Just as the scripture this morning I read tells '白天太陽必不再作你的光，晚上月亮也必不再發光照耀你，耶和華卻要作你永遠的光，你的　神要作你的榮耀。 你的太陽必不再下落，你的月亮也必不退縮；因為耶和華要作你永遠的光，你悲哀的日子必要終止。 你的人民都必成為義人，永遠得地為業；他們是我栽種的嫩芽，我手所作的工作，使我得榮耀。最小的要成為一族，微弱的要成為強盛的國，我耶和華必按著定期速速作成這事。 (以 賽 亞 書 60~19-22‏)



You led us to see a vision, set our path;

told us that in the reality,

there is indeed a heaven on earth.

星巴克榛子巧克力松饼

初恋是
短暫美好甜蜜实在

一年前或今天
吃着星巴克的榛子巧克力松饼
濃烈的浪漫飘在空中
融化成那份渴望愛情的心

原来又回来了

我又有空了

十月二十七日 冷.

呼吸著熟悉的冷空氣

去年冬天至少還有你

冷風觸摸不了甜蜜的

溫暖

和

香水味



想必starbucks快要換上冬日的佈置吧

播放著令人愛恨交織的柔情之歌



香港的冷比巴黎的孤單

少了一個人閒著的浪漫

My autobiography of You.

It is so hard to write a word. Recalling everything is going to confuse myself once again. My heart is stirred. The incompleteness deep down in me is flooding. Yet, I have decided. I have decided to write about you.

The images have been fading in my head. They are not as solid as you first left me. Your smell was fading, and now nearly gone. Your face, your touch, your warmth have been slowly—the sentiment, the significance have been slowly fading away.

I attempted so hard to remember, to provoke my memories as I started writing. I am scared that I have lost the essence and I will never even notice. I will never be able to write them all down because human’s memories are partial no matter how much a person eager to keep the bits and pieces of his past. Like wine in a bottle, every time a man opens the bottle, some parts of it evaporate. Becoming thinner and thinner, memories evaporate into the air and were gone forever.

In water experience

Standing on the diving block
number five
My toes point down and head soars high
hanging myself in the air
holding my breath
letting my whole body collapse in water,
quietly bits by bits
slowly dissolves
into deep relaxation.
The water current strokes my nerves
I fall to the bottom of the pool
in peace.

Being in water is the best thing I can do to keep me alive

Let the answer come in its time.

... that when you are unsure how to proceed, stop. Be still and enter into the silence. Allow your mind to cease its restless thinking. Wait. Let the answer come in its time.

When I didnt know what to do,
When I was helpless,
I decided to stop, rest, and wait,
the answer came in its time,
just about time.
Today.

I am back to single.
after rounds of struggles.

Thanks for speaking up.

Being in love is not rational,
but being out of love is.
We better be friends.
We cannot make a better choice than this,
if hanging there in no where is not what we want.

You are brave enough to make this move,
I am like a coward.
I am so indecisive,
so ignorant,
so unemotional.
But still be sorry for hurting you.

I am weak to stand on myself, decide on myself.
Thank God you helped me, saved me, pulled me away.
God bless you. May God leads your future, work and love.
Amen.
從那一刻分別開始過往的全都變成了過去式，既然都已經這樣了，就繫好安全帶，安心的任由這一列名為時光的列車，帶我們到一個或許會更美麗的前景去。
I will be patient to wait for the true love God gives me : )

A promise

A promise is beautiful to be made
It is so beautiful in nature
It makes those who deserves,
be happy at that very moment
a promise is made
and have long lasting hope.
It is not there to disappoint you
It is no lie
It is beautiful until its become a burden
of your mind

Dear Albert

This is pretty insane.Now I haven't got a clock here. I mean I don't know the time since there is nearly no light in my room. Only the reflection of the moonlight and the street light. And the sound of heavy rain. I was waken up in the middle of night. I felt that I have to write something to you. The first time I write to anyone before.

I am very grateful that we were able to talk and share things, emotions, experience in us so deeply. to me it was unbelievable. Yesterday was so unbelievable to hear those things from you. I saw another you. I saw the mature Albert. I saw all the good and beautiful personalities in you that I feel attracted to.You made me too confortable to be in reality. It was like a dream talking to you in the middle of the river Seine in Paris, dreamy light, incredible views, those grand boats...you know..I didn't want to end it.

The reason of the attempt to tell you the similar points I found in you and my ex. bf was not really because I am scared. I used the word'scared' because I didm't know how to describe. After that I figured out, actually it was the feelings. the feelings was that I respected and loved him that once he meant a lot to me. He was the only guy in the world I fell for. But yesterday, not until yesterday...I saw it on you. I was overwhelmed. Just overwhelmed because you are not only physically attracted to me but spiritually.

I don't want to miss this chance. I don't wish that I wake up some other days and onths and years regreting that I 'missed' you becuase I wasn't brave enough to tell you that you are the second guy in the would, in my life and it is so rare and precious that we can share our thoughts, emotions, dreams, desires...anything that fascinates me when I talk to you. I really cannot afford to miss or lose this chance.


Love,
Carmen

j'attends, J'espère...

Bridges of Madison County


the 4 days they had,

more than in love

passion

heart-breaking

life lasting

Love will go on forever

even the two are not together



this kind of love is rare



ever lasting love



I saw the shadow in them

the 4 only days of them

the 10 days of ours



They continued.

They let it grow,

even ashes in the air



We stopped.

We didnt let it grow.

in heart,

in remembrance.





j'attends, J'espère...

probably,

possibly,

maybe,

may not be

Another 10 days of my life...

Goodbye. My last word to you...

Everything come to an end
after completing the autobiography
I feel shocked
but i guess I only need to live with that
and let you fly away my sight

My heart really hurts for the moment
but I will be healed
I have my choice
I have chosen happiness
something new
and something I believe is right
I have to be brave
it is not easy
you have no idea it takes courage
just you disagree me
I am even sure why

but I know
this marks a goodbye

'we will meet again someday' used to lock me in the past;

goodbye goodbye goodbye
we were strangers no? and now we are.
back to the initial point.

I saw the 'add as friend' button
like last time
but now I will not press it.





stop wondering and be strong.





I still have a little wish...
that you will understand me one day
because I thought you know my personalities
I thought you know me
and if you do
I didnt change
I am always what I am.

believe me.

我的自傳的你

我的自傳的你
在這兩者之間的愛，希望和
一個破碎的夢


some extraction from my piece...
handed in today...


A google translate version...
well it sounds funny in a way that makes what I wrote less intense.

I was entertained by reading this translated version...


它是這麼難寫一個字。回顧一切都會混淆自己一次。我的心激動。這不完全是我內心深處水浸。不過，我已經決定。我決定寫你。

已褪色的圖像在我的腦海。他們不是為固體，你第一次離開我。您的嗅覺是衰落，現在幾乎消失了。你的臉，你的觸摸，你的溫暖一直緩慢，在情緒，其意義已慢慢消失。我嘗試這樣很難記住，挑起我的記憶，正如我開始寫作。我很害怕，我已經失去了本質，我從來沒有將另行通知。我將永遠無法把它們寫下來，因為所有的人的記憶是局部的，不管一個人多麼渴望保持零零碎碎他的過去。就像酒1瓶，每次1人打開一瓶，它的某些部分蒸發。越來越瘦，記憶蒸發到空氣中並一去不復返。

在19年我的生活中，我們遇到了對方。 4個月以來我們已經實現了; 4個月，因為你離開我。
這是12月，戀人的季節，我們舉行了第一次在時代廣場。他穿著一件厚厚的黑色對眼鏡。他身材高大，精心打造，譚前瞻性。他的頭髮捲曲很好。我知道這是他，因為他在人群中脫穎而出。他來找我，一個友好的微笑溫暖我在寒風。
'嗨！您必須是人，我尋找的。'我試圖讓自己冷靜下來。
他看上去比照片那麼激烈。在這些照片，他看上去很冷。他的真實的人是很迷人。

由於技術，我們首先知道對方在Facebook相當意外。他是一個典範。我是一個模式了。很久以前，我看到他的照片的攝影師的標籤頁。經過很長一段時間，我從他那裡得到一個消息。 “嗨，卡門，你從香港？我只想問你香港，因為我是新來的...我住在這裡2個月...感謝。“

'你好卡門！今天是冷的，是不是！'他看著我的眼睛，微笑著本能。我發誓這是一個殺手的微笑。
'我到過一個鑄造剛才時裝週。'他說。
'酷，它是怎麼去？'我問
'我猜不壞。反正我做了我最好的。
我問，'你有沒有吃午飯？我餓死了。'
'是的，我其實煮一些食物在我的公寓。
'是嗎？'我很驚訝，和他熟成像花式菜餚。
'是啊，我有一些剩餘的食物，其實在冰箱。'他笑了起來。
'你不介意，為我嗎？'我問他。
於是，他帶我去他的公寓。我們走過了漫長的道路在繁忙的街道，聊天。然後，我們終於到了那裡。一個老建築在拐角處，他住在7樓。
'小房間是真的。'他警告我。
他的公寓也很簡單。淋浴區，廚房區和一個櫃子和一個接收器，一台筆記本電腦上的桌子和一個雙人床對白色的牆。他讓我坐在他的椅子，問我是否想喝點東西。我說：'是的，請用水將是很好的。'他打開鍋爐，並準備一些食物。他再熱的馬鈴薯，甜玉米和胡蘿蔔。他讓我一個碗貴格燕麥也。
'如果你願意，你可以添加一些糖。'他說。
'這是你吃的食物？'我簡直不敢相信我所看到的。
'
*********************************************************************************

''打開你的心每個人，你會遇到一個真正的好人。我不會吻一個女孩我不愛。重要的是要認真對待的關係。你會知道當你與某人誰給你的安全和意義。'我能看穿他的同情的目光。
我不能停止酸味從裡面出來。這是怪異的，難以形容的。我可以看到好人在這裡，第一次在我的生命誰告訴我這事。
這是一個，而我問自己，為什麼我還沒有已經愛上了別人。我絕對不是甜型的女朋友，但我的個性是好的，我不看壞，我想。最後，我相信我自己，這是很難找到你所愛的人誰愛你。我相信運氣累積。我愛的運氣已經積累了19年，為了遇到更好的一半。這個隨機童話般的理論出現在我的腦海裡，當小女孩長大了，急於結束她的寂寞在年齡 18歲。
這天，那個誰，我一直等待的是站在我旁邊。這是很神奇的和不現實的，因為對我來說，他幾乎是完美的。


我們是如此渴望了解對方。
夜晚寒冷，潮濕，再加上月光，他們帶來了一個詩意的場面。我們沿著狹窄的道路，圓又圓，我們徘徊在1米多。空氣是那麼新鮮，它使我們的頭腦清楚。我們進入了一個叢林和一條長凳上定居下來。***
樹木的陰影在跳舞彷彿我們象那麼浪漫。

***

我沒有睡。我發現他是一個寶藏，他的皮膚黝黑光滑的完美纖體，他和誘人的香味，一個發光的動物在月光下。


***************************
'也許我們的關係是有害的。它傷害了你這麼辛苦。和你去巴黎為你的夢想，但你不能超過它。你不放手，你受苦。或者，你學到的經驗和你去巴黎。你的成長。您擁有的選擇，只有你可以決定選擇塑造你的未來。'
我不會忘記他對我說的話。我希望我永遠不會忘記每一個他們。

一切都是短的。事情來得快速，突然，突然，並沖走了龍捲風。

有時，希望能傷害。希望給你一個想像的空間。大部分時間對他人的期望會導致失望。
隨著時間飛逝，一個希望不能站在自己的，尤其是對女孩誰是情緒性的。
我開始寫詩後不久，他離開了我。我發現，愛引發的情緒，必須體現在某些方面。通過寫作，我一直在我們的記憶，我過去，重塑我們的生活再次。

在某些時候，我受夠了獨自生活在我們的記憶。

***

也許有一天，我將能夠讓愛別人。

A half.

[photo by Aneta Bartos]

only then I found out
he is irreplaceable
sometimes we were in silence
yet not in awkwardness
but a peaceful state of mind
comfortable. we called it.
'The more I talk to you, the more I like you.'
Simple and no intention to hide.
he made me fall for him.
entirely.
'I want you to give me everything.'
I did and I have nothing left.

we had so much to talk about,
to share.
in the past.
Maybe we are really in speechlessness now
only happened in memories
we own
bubbles and dreams
of the past

I am not stuck with him
but I slowly realise
that what I told him was true:
what can I ask for more? A perfect man I have encountered.
no one is comparable,
I can hardly fall for another man.
with similar degree of spiritual understanding.
Never.
I suspect?

she sensed that she was only a half. But there was no one to supply the other half. 'we rounded each other out so well' she said, thinking back on her days with the saving bank clerk; that was her ideal of eternal love

--A sorrow beyond dreams by Peter Handke

the need of self expression

'we have all in common
the very deep need of express ourselves,
the human desire
yet there is that imbalance between
desire of self expressions,
and the small number sympatic friends who are willing to stand around and listen'

Thanks to the internet
we can express ourselves freely
the deepest desire
the taoo
the inner cry
we can tell the truths

you can write something you think very intersting to be shared
which your friends may find very boring to listen to

you can assume someone have read your words
they understand you
they share the same feelings as you

you can be a great thinker
invent some great theories
and convey them to the world

you can assume you are going to change the world
and influence many many souls


because in reality, in day to day conversation
people may not be bothered to know about the others' lives
'whatever' they might mumble.


they lose so many things
they do not even know
how to learn from others
how to live the lives of others
by listening, by witnessing
we do not live only in the tiny tiny fragment of world where we belong to

we imagine we create we change we give merci

are you wiling to?

collections of feelings.

http://www.wefeelfine.org/

this is an incredible project!
by Jonathan Harris

get inspired now! ;)

this is the other work he is working on and has worked in the past
a visual artist, a computer programmer
and most of all,
I think he can change the world,
if not, he can change the perspective of people towards the world :)

Metaphors empower us

A very interesting talk! Metaphor is a way of thought, it is essential to help us to understand ourselves and others, how we communicate, learn, discover and invent.

it makes X = Y possible...

Artist. Retrospection.

(photo: impossible projects-polaroids collection)

Last week I met up with a photographer and we shared many things and I told him my story and my dream.


afterall...what he said to me was really causing paradox of myself... I started to feel pizzled and doubts emerged...


he said 'you are so funny... I do not get what are you doing...what do you look for...you do not want to earn much money, you do not want fame,

it seems like you only want to make good photos, you are not a model, you are an artist......'



and he was quite true...I suddenly realised that...









Artist...



yes I am.

(except I have come to Paris and was deeply cultivated by the inspring atmosphere...then started to write poems--)


like my metaphor I made to my mum who questioned me long time ago...why I do all these taking up so much time and 'transportion costs' for test shoots...


The Metaphor is...


A painter do not draw because of how much the drawing could sell for, and he will never ever take into account how long he had drown a picture or how much he had spent on the materials...



We all do things we love with passion.



with no regrets...



nothing in vain.

A song or a poem?

Regina’s lyrics, as always, are extremely beautiful and poetic
this song is so poetic to a certain extent that I think she is singing out a poem!

her voice is perfect to present the mood of the song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLx9dudmIq4&NR=1



Regina Spektor - Braille

She was lying on the floor and counting stretch marks
She hadn't been a virgin and he hadn't been a god
so she named the baby Elvis
to make up for the royalty he lacked

And from then on it was turpentine and patches
From then on it was cold Campbell's from the can
They were just two jerks playing with matches
'Cause that's all they knew how to play

And it was raining cats and dogs outside of her window
And she knew they'd be destined to become
sacred roadkill on the way
And she was listening to the sound of heaven shaking
thinking about puddles, puddles and mistakes

'Cause it's been turpentine and patches
It's been cold, cold Campbell's from the can
And they were just two jerks playing with matches
'Cause that's all they knew how to play
What they knew how to play

Elvis never could carry a tune
and she thought about this irony as she stared back at the moon
She was tracing her years with her fingers on her skin saying,
Well, why don't I begin again
with turpentine and patches
with cold, cold Campbell's from the can
After all I'm still a jerk playing with matches
It's just that he's not around to play along
yeah, I'm still an asshole playing with candles
Blowing out wishes, blowing out dreams
Just sitting here and trying to decipher what's written in Braille upon my skin
this skin...

She was lying on the floor and counting stretch...
She was lying on the floor and counting stretch...
She was lying on the floor lying, lying...
counting stretch....

A sharing of good work : With Eyes Shut Tight- Marian Barker

With Eyes Shut Tight- Marian Barker

With eyes shut tight
I see his face so clear
His smile, his eyes
The way he combs his hair

With eyes shut tight
I hear him breathing near
My senses are intense
I feel that he is here

With eyes shut tight
The world is just we two
Sharing hopes and dreams
Just like we used to do

With my eyes open wide
I quickly realise
I only fantasise
With eyes shut tight

I dunno what to say, but just want to say...

Last night in my dream,

I climbed on your body when we re-encounter,

I could not see the entire face,
it was blurry and bright

I let out a tear that seemed ready,
it made a little hot track down my cheek.

My heart retracted.

I was searching the scent from you
satisfing my sense
seemed like I have succeeded

so real.

the scent that I missed for ages,
alien but familiar and intimate

the scent of security,
the scent of warmth,
and the scent of rushing blood

the scent that I cannot missed for the second time.

I laughed at myself:
knowing that you care about me doesnt mean that our love will grow again


I couldnt control my unconciousness;
and according to Freud, unconciousness is the storehouse of instinctual desires and needs.

[end of the poem section]











[This is not a poem, but I would like it to be]

I had too much to talk to you, do you know?

but I don't know how and what to say.

I was not honest to you, my heart broke

my complications overtook my mind.



and I brust into tears when you talked to me like that.

I was surprised by my reaction too.



it has been long long time ago.

3 months, and nearly 1 month that we hadnt spoken a word.

and now all of a sudden.






I used to find a reason for you, of your reaction looking at my pictures.

I thought you were subjective becuase you were the first one who saw me
without reserve,
entirely,
I cut opened my heart and let you see everything inside me.

so now I was making those pictures
which you find them pornography-like.

I didnt hate you for saying that, and I was not hurt neither, so don't be sorry.

I respect different people to see things in different angles.
Everything depends on how you see them, doesnt it?



but maybe I am wrong.



reading your 2nd msg. I was ashamed.

I prayed.

I made you think I am distant away from God.

I was painful.



knowing that you pray for me, and you hold your hopes on me. I feel consolated.

Do you know by the way, I pray for you occasionally?

Having expectations on people is tiring,

and disappointing.



what do you call relationship with an ex.?

something that I personally cannot describe.

something exceeded the relationship of ex. bf and gf

not yet and unwilling to be friends

it is something heartbreaking, abnormal, outrageous



I am overwhelmed by your provoking and baffling and cold but touching words



Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind



you are the strangest man in the world



and I am the strangest girl in the world

Smoke

she thinks she is relaxed
she pretends to be her own self

yet,
the smoke chokes her head
the smoke washes her mind
the smoke blinds her eyes

she melts away as mysteries marched in
sentiments lie in the grey matter are burnt out

life is blur

she is
stuck in the middle

My mind in the railway carriage

I like standing at the far back of the last railway carriage

looking into the small window

with my hands blocking the light from both sides



focus



I go through the darkness of the tunnel

i go along the journey as the train gallops

I feel the dense of the emptiness

in the dark we see only the far end point, and it is further away gradually,

like some memories, going blur, out of focus at some point.


then


I see the reflection of light, the velocity of light

The train enters a new page of liveliness,

away from the darkness

away from the only point at the far end



I found that when we have light,

it is no longer the same,

we can see what is going pass us, backwards and forward

we see the whole picture





As the crowd surges forward

and I am still there,



standing.













Alien and him [Alien et lui]



Alien is in Paris.

Her heart and everything is in Paris.



but why, when he leaves HK,

Alien still feel it is something that she cares about?



when he leaves, as he goes away,

Alien does not know his address.

He no longer live in the little apartment in CWB. Heaven street.

His HK no. is abolished.

if he then doesnt use facebook,

Alien will never know where on Earth he is.



And she will not be able to find him with her UFO.

nor detect him.



disconnected.



Alien said to him: 'wish to see you again in somewhere...'

he replied to her: 'take care we will meet someday...'

Alien assumed.



She wanted to tell him that

He was one of her greatest inspiration her soil enriched her,
her water irrigated her,
her sun shone upon her
her angel guided her.



overcome the world she doesnt belong to.

Say goodbye to her complication as he goes




Silly me



I was kind of silly,
wrote a letter to my future self
to remind myself of you
'never forget him' I told myself

I was worried that I will forget you someday
but i guess I will not.
although the images were fading in my head
they are not as solid as you first left me

your smell was fading, and now nearly gone
and your face, slowly
the feeling
the importance
and your touch your warmth

slowly
fading away

but i guess you will never go off my mind
I will only laugh when i see the letter,
and I will be reminded your prayers in me

your words





Let X be...




Let X be the capacity of my heart,
How much have you been occupied and taken away?

diminishing

by doing nothing.
but rewinding in my memory, the words you said, dangerous and sweet.

Do you ever exist?
Have you been only an invisible imagination of mine?
A beautiful story made up by myself unconciously?

I have been thinking you were a good guy which probably you are.
But I figured out I should never have hope and expectations on anyone
so that I won't fall and be disappointed.
If I think you are bad, you were a lier,
all I will get, if I could be proved that I was wrong, are regrets

and I would rather choose the latter.


Sorry for being cynical
but I really wanted to know why is your ignorance
yet it seems to me that it is no longer important

Erase
my love

with some portions of my heart taken away
with the capacity of my heart diminishing


海 和 貝



海
一個讓我興奮莫名的地方

他是
全部


我幻想半顆貝殼
也許留戀著岸邊的冰涼撫摸著皮膚
滲入交替著血液的和暖
不願離開

但放手
隨著碧波蕩漾
潮水激烈擁吻
然後
回到原來的地方
沈下
緩緩的流水
在毫不起眼的深處蠢蠢欲動

又或者
拼死抓緊泥濘的根
磨著砂
奮勇地
試圖擺脫浪花的吸吮
無助的
直到水退下去
乾枯

最後被我拾掉
找到一個跟我同病相憐的
另一半
延續美麗的樂章